If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. –Robert Brault
There are so many mornings I sat in church listening to the preacher talk about how he prayed for his children. That they would meet the right person, that they would have the right friends, that they would be good. Nah, I don’t think he ever said that but I would surely and have prayed that over mine. I don’t pray as much as I should – well, let me rephrase that. I don’t pray for the right things as often as I should. I find myself “spot” praying as I call it. Brady has done the unthinkable – “God please grant me some restraint not to hurt him.” Kendra has talked back once more today – “Oh God!” Yeah, that one just slipped out. Hey, I’m being totally honest here. I pray all day but they are not the deeply routed in my soul prayers that I think the good pastor spoke about. Plus, I think he AND his wife may have prayed together and you know what they say about more than one praying, He is there. Getting real for a second though, prayer works. I have experienced it myself and though we don’t always get what WE pray for, the knowing that HE hears our prayers and wants us to relate to Him is all the reason to send up some love.
Tonight I am particularly emotional for some reason, and when I get this way waves of thoughts and feelings just wash over me. I have to almost heave cry…you women know what I’m talking about right?…to get through it all. IT.FEELS.SO.GOOD. Of course I have to do this after my kids are in bed or hold up in the bathroom with the door locked, hoping they don’t find the key. After sifting through the garbage, holes and sometimes lies, it pretty much ends at the road of worry. Gracious, I worry about everything! My mom can attest to that, right mom? I worry about the kids falling on their bikes, falling from a tree, getting snatched from me, hitting their head on the coffee table, breaking a leg, falling out of bed, getting lost, getting hurt by a friend, getting hurt by a loved one, hurting each other!, falling down the stairs/or being pushed by a sibling, and the list goes on. See, I’m insane right?! And what if any one of those things were to happen? What would happen? We would go to the hospital? I don’t even want to think about that anymore. I think I was born worrying. I would love to see a study, or better yet be in a study of why people worry so much…and they find the cure! Oh wait, the cure has been written for ages.
On the couch, crying over whatever was coming to mind as I was reading my newest novel, I began to anguish over our eldest. My sweet baby girl who is growing up before my eyes. I feel like time has cheated me and I have let so many opportunities slip through the sand. There is so much sand and I want to scream! As she was going to bed and I kissed her goodnight, I began thinking about her taking her first trip with a friend, to the Outer Banks no less (following in my foot steps). This is when the worry set in – already. The trip is in August! I won’t bore you with the list of incidences that came to mind because if “they” read this, they are likely to think I am more insane than I already act. LOL I still remember the first time she was away from us. She just went to my parents for a weekend but she was a baby. I showed up on the doorstep of a friend and began bawling through a fake smile while saying, “I’m free. Kendra is at my parent’s for the weekend.” Gaaa, that was hard. It did get easier and that gives me comfort that each first will bring with it a little more peace. It’s just that this is my baby, our first born (who cares if from heart or womb)…she is my baby girl. So, through tears of happiness I will let her go because I know this will establish her independence and give her those wings we hear about. This day is coming too soon.
I will continue to pray my spot prayers I know, I will not lie, and I am vowing to begin to pray the fervent prayers for all our children that I believe our pastor did with his.
As I end this post I leave you with one last quote and this. I so believe in these words and pray that my children will see me in this light as I do my own mother. I think as we grow older and certain things come to pass, we gain greater understanding of the ways of the world and hopefully that which lies beyond as well. For all the moms out there…
A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. – By Washington Irving