Category Archives: Friends

Taking the Rope

I’m not one to talk about my problems.   I’ve hidden a lot of secrets or aspects of my life from friends over the years.  There were a select few I let into the madness, but on a whole I allowed myself to let the enemy keep me alone – to be confined to my own padded room,  perhaps, or in a deep dungeon where the walls weren’t able to be climbed. Many times I felt like this: 

However, in the last three weeks I have been learning to break out of that darkness.  I have welcomed the breakdowns, and somehow I found a rope to indeed pull myself up out of the abyss.  Actually, I found several ropes. (insert gratitude)  Sometimes lifesaving devices are material, cold metal objects,  drugs, a phone call….mine have been in the form of words – words that were said out of love, kindness, and concern.  I sit here chuckling at one such comment.  If I could fold up all of my “philosophy bingo cards” (see my last post) and store them away for future posterity, one I would read over and over again came not from a friend.  It came not from anyone I knew well, but from my new doctor whom I now hold in high regard.  She proclaimed: 

I can’t wait to see you on the other side of this.   If anything,  you have the chance to be anything,  do anything, go anywhere you want.   You are a new person and you will find her.  If you want to change who you are you can. Now is your chance.   If you want to be a badass,  you can be a badass…

Yes!   She said that to me.   We laughed and I cried a little, and I knew in that moment she was right.   I remembered a quote I had seen a week or so earlier and had contemplated posting but thought it revealed too much of me.   I think it is time to be honest with myself…maybe I can be a badass.   I went back and found the screenshot which is dated Nov. 23.  Almost a month later,  I think it is time to start using my life lines


I still have mountains to climb and valleys to crawl out of during this life event. I know, however,  that all I have to do is grab on to any of the numerous ropes thrown out by my lifesavers and I will be OK.   I am strong,  as strong as all the ropes combined.  

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Filed under divorce, Friends, life lessons

Desperately seeking solace

One of my favorite motivators said, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”  He also said, “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” That from Wayne Dyer, who sadly just recently passed.

I’ve been conflicted lately as there is such going on in my world, so much happening around me, so much affecting me that I don’t know what day it is – literally.

To get right to the point of my war: my husband got fired four weeks ago and my faith has been tested the last few months by a conundrum that is not mine but that I got immersed in.  Our family, in addition to the firing, is also dealing with a battle that keeps resurfacing. What to do?  Many of my friends would say grab a bottle and chug.  Well, oops, that is part of the problem. So, what do you do next?

Go on vacation!

Breaking news: Mandatory evacuation has been issued for Ocracoke.

:/ Vacation is off…for the third time.  Can’t say we didn’t give it the old college try. Insert HUGE sigh.

I’m mad. I’m broken. I’m confused. I’m tired. And I have failed to react (well, maybe I did a little).  Wayne would be proud.  I’m growing, but I’m still desperately conflicted so I guess I should watch one of his shows again. Hmmm, ugh.  Or I could just stop participating with my own self talk. I can’t change the way someone thinks about me and it honestly doesn’t mean it’s true.  Did you hear that people?  Because you think something about someone does not make it true.  Let that sink in.

What I’m learning through all these experiences lately is that I have a choice to respond or react, listen or ignore.  I really want to shout, “What is wrong with you people!” But that wouldn’t be polite and it is a reaction.  Instead I have chosen, and God has a BIG part in this, to wait and respond with grace and dignity.  Now, mind you, I have and am growing into this.  I still feel sick to my stomach at the thought of a friend being unwilling to see clarity in their situation. I feel sick about being tossed aside when I have been nothing but upfront. But, we have choices, we’re given free will and I believe what they always say…Karma is a b#$&@!

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Filed under Friends, Misc, Our Holes

A Picture of Imperfection

There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill

What a statement of truth.  Sitting in a room full of women, my friend said something to our new friends that took me aback. She referred to me as a perfect mother, the queen mother, the mother of all mothers.  Well ok, maybe she didn’t take it that far but she did say perfect and that, my dears, is so far from the truth. I do not want to fool anybody and if that is written on my person then I need to make a correction…quickly.  Let’s face it.  I don’t have time for the magazine articles, TV shows, and book tours that come with being The Perfect Mother.

After nudging her slightly hard in the shoulder from her mishap of a word, I let it go…until I got home.  My mind took off like a race car at the start line. Perfect.  What does that look like?  Wanting to run away after 5:00 each night?  Dreading coming up with a dinner they are going to eat? Yelling, yelling, and yelling some more (still working on it)?  Or is it correcting them when they talk back?  Giving them a hug after they just called me stupid? Taking them to their favorite restaurant? Planning the best birthday party? Trying hard to teach them the ways of God?

Perfect: having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

Hmmm, let’s stew over the as good as it is possible to be part of that.  How many times have you heard someone say, when speaking of parenting, I/we did the best I could?  Maybe you have even said it.  Pretty sure I have.  Does that qualify as perfect?  I can only answer that for myself….

When we first started our family, our lives were far from perfect.  Our marriage was tumultuous at best with lots of baggage floating in streams behind us, probably stacked 2×2.   I’m pretty sure between the two of us the kids have enough junk to write a novel or spend years in therapy working through.  Honestly, it’s life.  We’ve had 10 years to get something right and I will confess, with happy emotion, that recently things have turned around.  The novel is ending.  This parenting thing is hard though.  There is no handbook, no class, only life experience to hurdle through and at the end, and hopefully,  somewhere along the way we hope to be “good” parents. We long to do the best we can, not being perfect, but to train our children in His ways so that they will do the same with theirs and mimic what they learn.

So, we really are doing the best we can – most of the time- and this is how I would like to be known by my children:

A wise mother knows: It is her state of consciousness that matters. Her gentleness and clarity command respect. Her love creates security.
~Vimala McClure, The Tao of Motherhood

Perfect, I am not.  I hope I am not deceiving anyone because I strive to be honest and transparent. I am no Mother Teresa.   I have many faults for which I cry out to Him to help me surrender daily. I took my friends comment to heart because I know she loves me and she thinks I am a good mom.  That’s what friends do, encourage each other. However, I also took it as a sounding board because this stuff is rough, hard, and sticky as all get out. I can’t do it alone.  I NEED help and I need my friends.  On those days when I am not perfect, I’m gratefully honored to have someone to turn to…who is perfect.

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My imperfect loves

 

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Filed under Family, Friends, Kids, motherhood, Religious

All the pretty maids

Dress Up Day
Dress Up Day
Kendra had a friend over this weekend and then Emma came over too.  This was right before they went to the birthday party.  We had a busy day but it was so much fun!  It was so funny to watch them prancing around.  Emma tried on several of Kendra’s dress up clothes and of course they didn’t really fit her.  This is a 8 year old trying to fit in 4 year old clothes, pretty funny.  She finally put on a rain coat but before doing so pose for a few pics.  They were so cute.  You just can’t pass up these opportunities.  I also got a couple of my mom with Brady.  I was just in a picture taking mood this weekend.  Surprisingly, they all came out pretty great. 
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Mom and My Baby

           
Emma in Pose                                                                                         

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Filed under Family, Friends, Kids, Makes Me Laugh

A pretty little flower

We visited Village Park today for McKinley’s birthday and it was such a beautiful day.  It was great to be surrounded by friends and I’m sure she loved that everyone came to see her.  Her mom and dad planned a great event for the kids and this included riding the train, playing on the playground, eating cake and ice cream, making balloon animals and things and having faces painted.  Kendra really enjoyed herself and Brady went crazy being outside for that long.  He was in heaven!  It was a great way to end the day.

Little Flower

Little Flower

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Filed under Friends, Kids