To the Top of the Mountain

I love hiking.  Meandering through lush vegetation, the sun peaking through the trees and brushing up against the understory.  Glistening leaves wave hi as I walk by. A cool air sweeps around my body, and at the perfect moment my soul takes a peaceful sigh in the presence of nature. Yeah! What I wouldn’t give to be back packing through the hills of the NC Appalachians right now.

I sit here in my mid-life (I guess “they” call it that) month thinking about all the paths I have ambled, paraded, shuffled, and tripped down in my first forty years. Holy smoley! Life sure has shown me thickets and curvaceous roads; has given me intersections where I have been seemingly at a stand still for days months. This last year has been a complete and utter test of faith and of myself. By sheer determination, on top of a mountain actually, I took a leap of faith rationalizing if my life should change drastically from that which it has been for the majority of my years.  (insert big sigh)  Why was I up on that mountain?  I don’t know if that question is as important as how I got there.  I didn’t get there alone, but I was the one that walked my butt up to the summit – to the place where it all culminated.  Now WTF am I going to do?

I started this post 21 days ago.  The words I couldn’t express locked away in my head and heart.  I’m hurting, still.  Not in the way people in my situation normally hurt (I have heard).  I’ve skipped steps in this process, or more so, perhaps, I’m doing it out of order.  No doubt this will take time to overcome and work through.  Work through…hmmm, work through.  My inner dialogue has been on overdrive since – well I can’t pin point it, but for a long time.  I didn’t listen to my intuition. Geesh, how many times!?!  I freakin have quotes all over the place about it – intuition that is.

…and that is precisely what I have done my whole life.  I justified and tried to explain away everything, and mainly the person I did that to was myself.  And not because someone told me to, but because that is who I was – WAS.  I spent my past life worrying and wondering what everyone else thought…and when I say everyone, I mean those who are closest to me…doing what they wanted me to do.  You know what I realized on top of that mountain?  They did not “make” me do anything.  Just like I walked myself up to the top on that mountain, I made choices based on “my” thoughts about what I perceived others wanted of me.  Have you heard this?

“Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.”

Note to self – Here is the good news:

You still have the ability to make good choices, wise choices, forward-moving, life changing choices.  You have the ability to be YOU and not you for someone else but for you, only.

My perspective has to change.  My self talk has to deviate from what my inner Missababe would normally say.  I climbed the mountain that day and have been climbing an escarpment for far longer than I realized.  So, on this eve, of the eve, of the eve of my 40th (29th hehe) birthday I vow to right myself and keep moving on. 🙂 Like Vince Lombardi said:

With determination and will, summit after summit will be attained – because I am not just going to fall there….It’s not possible.  I’m going to continue to hike like my life depends on it!

And a few memes never hurt: follow me on 1carolinacharm (Twitter) & kbcmomma (IG)

You’ve Got Nothing for Me

Just reading that title makes me think.  How about you?  Sounds harsh.  Maybe it is.  The context in which it was said was powerful and at the same time, it came in with a hush and simple hum for me.  It made me think.  It has taken a couple of days for the meaning to sink in, the enormity of what Pastor Terri was conveying to the “church” that morning.

How do you look at the world and say, “You’ve got nothing for me?”  Let that sit and simmer for a moment.  The world.  The place we live in.  Our identities are in the world.  Ah, but is that where He wants them to be?  Our pleasures come from this world.  Where does He want our pleasure to come from?  Man, that is hard.  I have been letting it simmer and I am about to boil over with the sins of my worldly being – those things that seems like they are pleasing and good, when in His world they are chains and ropes tethering me to some impossible dream of that which is not for me.  Because…”You’ve got nothing for me world!”

worship house media pic

We go through life as believers in God and know that trials and tribulations will come, also that good times and joy will abound.  We know that there are TeMpTaTiOns around every corner, and God help if we actually have an addiction to a temptation.  How hard it is to say, “You’ve got nothing for me,” then?  And sometimes…sometimes those things in which we have no idea, not even an inkling, of it becoming a stronghold float into our lives life a soft wind and whisper to us that everything is good and it’s okay.  We love our worldly things: our cars, our boats, our houses, our pets, our food, our drinks, our spouses, oh the list can go on.  Ask any kid and they will probably say, “I love candy!”  What is concerning about that to God?  Our sin nature, which should be concerning to us as well.  We are called to BE the church.  We have to be able to look outside ourselves and the walls in which mankind has built in order to be what He set us apart to be.  We have learned to ride the sin wave with great vigor and then expect Him to bail us out.

Ponder this: what if you told the world…

You’ve got nothing for me.

“You’ve got no jealousy, no pornography, no gluttony, no alcoholism, no infidelity, no fear… – World, you’ve got NOTHING for me!”  In order to the be the church, we have to be able to say just that.  It is a continuous struggle, fighting evil.  Steven Hart said, “In the struggle against evil, there is no shame in defeat only in not fighting.”  Look at the world today and declare, “You’ve got nothing for me,” and know that you are the church.  You matter.

And lastly, I will leave you with this, on this election day of 2016 as WE are called to be the church.

“The church must be reminded that is is neither the servant nor the master of the state, but rather the conscience of the state.  It must be the guide and the critic of the state, and never its tool.  If the church does not recapture its prophetic zeal, it will become an irrelevant social club without moral or spiritual authority.”-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Another Attempt – Our Life Now

Well, well…we meet again. Yes, I know it is years later. I am not really that good at keeping up with the Jones’ when it comes to posting. I want to be like Mrs. Jones next door who finds something witty to say each night. Who has time for that!? I have three kids under the age of 10, a dog and a needy (sorry babe) hubby. And sometimes in there I need to find time for myself. That doesn’t happen much but are you with me?

I have decided for my sanity, hopefully I can find some other moms who are going through the same things, to write some daily accounts down. I often times find myself saying, “I should really talk about this with others,” and never do. Then that fleeting moment is gone and another crazy things has happened. Hopefully I will be able to find the time to enlighten you with our mishaps of the day. Until then, just hold on to your pants and read another blog. 🙂

Last I left you, the kids were small. Brady was crazy, Carson was crawling, and Kendra was growing. Not much has changed. Well, all except Carson is almost 5 now and I am homeschooling! Never thought I would say that. I was a teacher, of course, but I actually said the opposite – That I would never homeschool my kids because they would not listen to me. Hmmm, I’m really starting to understand why they say, “Never say never.” I’ve pretty much done everything this past year I said never to.

To conclude the first new post of my blog life, I hope to inspire, cause laughter, gain insight, vent freely, and make you smile on a somewhat daily basis. That is to be seen.