Tag Archives: lifelines

Taking the Rope

I’m not one to talk about my problems.   I’ve hidden a lot of secrets or aspects of my life from friends over the years.  There were a select few I let into the madness, but on a whole I allowed myself to let the enemy keep me alone – to be confined to my own padded room,  perhaps, or in a deep dungeon where the walls weren’t able to be climbed. Many times I felt like this: 

However, in the last three weeks I have been learning to break out of that darkness.  I have welcomed the breakdowns, and somehow I found a rope to indeed pull myself up out of the abyss.  Actually, I found several ropes. (insert gratitude)  Sometimes lifesaving devices are material, cold metal objects,  drugs, a phone call….mine have been in the form of words – words that were said out of love, kindness, and concern.  I sit here chuckling at one such comment.  If I could fold up all of my “philosophy bingo cards” (see my last post) and store them away for future posterity, one I would read over and over again came not from a friend.  It came not from anyone I knew well, but from my new doctor whom I now hold in high regard.  She proclaimed: 

I can’t wait to see you on the other side of this.   If anything,  you have the chance to be anything,  do anything, go anywhere you want.   You are a new person and you will find her.  If you want to change who you are you can. Now is your chance.   If you want to be a badass,  you can be a badass…

Yes!   She said that to me.   We laughed and I cried a little, and I knew in that moment she was right.   I remembered a quote I had seen a week or so earlier and had contemplated posting but thought it revealed too much of me.   I think it is time to be honest with myself…maybe I can be a badass.   I went back and found the screenshot which is dated Nov. 23.  Almost a month later,  I think it is time to start using my life lines


I still have mountains to climb and valleys to crawl out of during this life event. I know, however,  that all I have to do is grab on to any of the numerous ropes thrown out by my lifesavers and I will be OK.   I am strong,  as strong as all the ropes combined.  

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Filed under divorce, Friends, life lessons