You KNOW when the Lord speaks to you. Oh yeah…you know when He speaks. It does not have to come as some loud thunder clap or moving mountain. Sometimes it is that still small voice nudging your heart. And you know how I know? The.Break.Down.
Something has been stirring in me for a few weeks now. I could not put my finger on it and I have been very much at odds on the inside. War. It has felt like war taking place within. If you don’t know the feeling then you may just be lost. I pray for you. If you do, I pray as well because this spiritual war (that I now know) is something out of a movie. Maybe I am just wishing it was because then it would not be real.
The first step to victory is to recognize the enemy. Even though I know he lurks about I often overlook his power and presence, just believing God “has this.” I have let the enemy in. In he came, the smug uninvited guest and he did it over and over again. What a fool I am. (There is a lot more to this that may come out later) Or maybe this is the life of a Christian. Two can play at this game…now I am equipped just a little better than before.
So, I cried all the way home pretty much from my night out with girlfriends. I was so shaken and blessed by the words and friendship of these ladies, ladies who are just like me – ladies who have the same mindset and mission. It was heartwarming and eye opening at the same time. To listen to stories about our kids, our husbands, our journeys yet ahead. The clarity He gave me tonight I pray will lead to greater knowledge. I thirst for His wisdom and I yearn for more time with those who know Him so I can know Him more. Those ladies have no idea how profound that gentle chat was to me I’m sure, but that is God. The still.small.voice.
Some years ago I made a promise to myself to open up. I have kind of lived in my own little world not allowing anyone to enter, or the ones who do BEWARE! You know the Great Wall? Got nothing on me. HA! I can rattle off all the things going through my head right now but the only thing I know clearly at this moment is I love Jesus and I want to know Him more. At any random point in your life you can choose to love our Father…but what if that point is not so random? Maybe that point is at a time and place set up by his truly so that you will be so smitten, he will be forever your Valentine. I don’t say Valentine as in the money making, card selling, candy eating one day a year Valentine. I’m talking the love of your life – imprinted on your soul, in your spirit, YOUR EVERYTHING.
How could an evening out with girlfriends bring about this post? How could the indwelling of emotion be so strong that it came out in none breathable swells of crying? How could I not have know for YEARS that this feeling was something of the Holy Spirit? All I can say is that still small voice. Sometimes we overlook the obvious. Sometimes we are not ready for it. Sometimes we just ignore it because we aren’t yet sure what it is – we are just not ready. We.are.just.not.ready. I.was.just.not.ready.
I heaved out something scary tonight. Let it all out. I mean this is when the tears were rolling…and then stopped abruptly! It was my break down. “Lord use me, I lay it all down.” Of course I said a little more after that because I just always ramble to Him and by the end I was scaaaarrred! I just OPENED up my world. What’s next?